"Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen"

“I want you to tell me about every person you've ever been in love with. Tell me why you loved them, then tell me why they loved you. Tell me about a day in your life you didn't think you’d live through. Tell me when you lived the most. Tell me what the word “home” means to you and tell me in a way that I’ll know your mother's name just by the way you describe your bedroom when you were eight. Or maybe it wasn't your mother, but someone bc your eyes does this sort of glimmer that makes your soul spill out. I wanna know the first time you felt the weight of hate and if that day still trembles within your bones. Do you kiss your friends on the cheek? When was the last time you said I love you? Does physical touch correlate with the sweat starting to bead on your upper lip? but that didn't happen. and it did happen. Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion or just the timid motion of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain? When were you angry? I wanna know what you think of your first name. And if you lie awake at night and imagine your mother's joy when she spoke it for the very first time. And how unique it is that you existed for someone else before you existed for yourself. I want you to tell me all the ways you've been unkind. Tell me all the ways you've been cruel. Do you believe that Mary was really a virgin? Do you believe that Moses really parted the sea? And if you don’t believe in miracles, tell me, how would you explain the miracle of life to me? And for all the times you've knelt before the temple of yourself, have the prayers you've asked come true? And if they didn't did you feel denied? And if you felt denied, denied by whom? Have you ever prayed? and if you didn't, tell me, how do we exist in something alone? Do you believe in hope? Do you believe in something more existential than we are? Because we are existential beings. But we are carcasses of hope. I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror on a day you’re feeling good. I wanna know what you see in the mirror on a day you’re feeling bad. I wanna know the first person who ever taught you your beauty could ever be defined by a physical reflection. And how a reflection defines your perception when that perception isn't but a reflection. because you haven't actually seen yourself the way I see you right now. If you ever reach enlightenment, will you remember how to laugh? Have you ever been to a song? Were you laughing and crying because you felt everything? but you felt nothing. I wanna know how much of your life you spend just giving. And if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes. I wanna know if you bleed sometimes through other people’s wounds. Is that what empathy is? And if you dream sometimes that this life is just a balloon that if you wanted to you could just pop—but you never would right? because you’d never really want it to burst. And if everything just ended here right now nothing would matter because no one would be left to define what matters. And that everything matters because now is spectacular and so utterly present and only exists for right now. is that beautiful or tragic? Who taught you what beauty and tragedy were? I wanna know what is precious and how that word gives you goosebumps or makes your pupils widen. Because you know precious is delicate. and delicate is scary. And delicate is weak but you aren't weak. so delicate isn't arbitrarily weak. right? I want to know how you think the earth was birthed. and how the sunrise on the horizon every morning is mother nature's yawn. and you've never seen it because you're asleep. and you see it every day because it's what earlier you told me precious was. Because the universe means nothing. and everything. I wanna know how you only exist because of someone else. and someone else only exists because of you. Do you trust a gut feeling? I wanna know what support is to you. And how it's only fallible in action. Because you defining it doesn't show what it is. But you defining it makes me understand your soul so much. and if you ever felt support. And I want you to tell me every person you've ever been in love with. and who taught you, love. Tell me why you loved them, tell me why they loved you. Because something so strong can't exist without the something before it. And everything exists all at once with nothing before it.”

Watch me dance

dancing from a place of curiosity, remembering what you wore that night.